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2004-05-28, 4:00 p.m.
onedayatatime
I feel a little better... I ran errands with my dad and started to feel queasy again so I came home and ate and put on my Sea-Bands that I bought today and now I feel better. Don't know if it was the snack or the sea-bands, since I did them at the same time. Two independent variables, how unscientific of me. And I've been popping Altoids and that helps too. So yeah. You guys give awesome advice and you're the sweetest and XOXOXOXO. To the max. Yo. I didn't call the doctor, I want to try to hold out until my appointment which is week after next. And mom told me some stuff to try to think about when I start to panic... so yeah. I still might go to that counselor later but I didn't make an appointment. I hope tonight is better cause I have to get up early. So not flipping out imminently right at this second. Which is good. xoxo
2004-05-28, 8:15 a.m.
oh no oh no oh no
I. Can't. Do. This. Had to get up and eat... three times last night? And then it took forever to go back to sleep. I get sick, then anxious about being sick, then more sick, then anxious about everything else, and it seriously reaches a point where I am shaking with... I don't know. Sickness or fear or something. Not pleasant. I might see if my mom can make me an appointment with her counselor to maybe figure out some relaxation strategies or something so it doesn't all boil up to heart-thumping, sweaty, panic. And I also might call the OB and see if I can get some anti-emetic. I feel like a wimp but yeah. I'm also worried because mom got really bad post-partum depression which I think basically started all her "issues." So I'm worried that I'm next. So yeah the counselor? I don't know. I have to go I feel too barfy. xoxo
2004-05-27, 12:09 p.m.
more complaining yep
I keep reading people's pregnancy journal archives because I am secretly hoping that somebody will say, "I had the worst morning sickness until I discoverd (insert magic remedy) and then it all went away!" So far I have found no entries like that. Big shocker. And they say that about 50% of people get morning sickness? But I can't think of a single person I know who hasn't gotten it. So I think that's a big lie. I don't think I can feel like this for however much longer I have to feel like this... I'm thinking at least another couple of months? And what about when I go back to work? What if I'm on newborn and there is a delivery and I'm urping? Or a code? What if I get fired and then we have no income or insurance? When Jason was leaving for work today I starting bawling. He said I could call him if I want and he'll come home but I can't do that. I might call my mom and see if she'll come up but it's supposed to storm later. Okay okay okay okay.
2004-05-27, 9:57 a.m.
ugh
"I knew it was called morning sickness, but I didn't think they meant FOUR in the morning." -Jason.
2004-05-26, 10:49 p.m.
breathe in breathe out
I had a very stressy panicky day for no real reason. Just variations on "I can't do this!" I kept flipping out, then slowly calming down, then flipping out, then calming down, repeat repeat repeat. Sigh. I am so terrified about having this baby. I feel like I'm at an amusement park and I have gotten on a giant scary ride and I'm all strapped in and it's about to go but I have decided that I'm too scared and I want off. But yeah. God has really been helping me today, though. Sending things just when I need them like Days of our Lives (why does Days of our Lives soothe me so?) and calls from Stephanie and my mom and my husband coming home. Thank you God. I also love the Fit Mama tape I checked out from the library. Exercise is nice. And the CD of my choir from college is helping too. Anyway. Jason and I are going to watch Jeopardy and then try to sleep. Tomorrow will be better I hope. I might go to Mom's so I don't have so much time to sit by myself and think. Plus I already cleaned everything I can think of cleaning so I might need to clean stuff at her house. Yep. xoxoox
2004-05-25, 11:21 a.m.
relax relax relax
Okay I made the new appointment this morning. After tossing and turning in bed until like 1:00 am, freaking out about it. I seriously need to relax, ya'll are totally right. I am a worrier, though. My mother is a worrier. My cousins are worriers. I come from a long line of worriers. So yeah. June 21 instead of June 11. My nose is all snorfeley today and I feel all squidgy from not exercising much. I've been walking but it's getting too hot to walk. And the gym just sounds ugh. I might see if the library has some good exercise DVDs to check out. Leaving now I think. xoxo
2004-05-24, 10:52 p.m.
what was I thinking?
Argh I need to go to sleep. I've spent the last few hours agonizing over whether I should cancel the OB appointment I made and make one with one of the doctors at the teaching hospital. All kinds of pros and cons and blah blah I'm tired of even thinking about it but basically I am almost positive the teaching hospital does things smarter. I was reading in a magazine that the national episiotomy rate is 80%. Holy crap. The whole time I've been in school I NEVER saw an episiotomy. They were considered not evidence-based and outdated. Anyway that's just one example and there are tons more but yeah. I just made a prenatal appointment at the clinic where I've always gone for well woman checks, and it's away from the hospital (but there are births there) and... I don't know. It's decorated cute. And I wouldn't have to deliver AT work, you know? It would be somewhere else. But what kind of stupid reasons are those? And if I switch I won't even have to take off work for prenatals, I can just walk over and come back when the appointment is over. Anyway. I think I'll call tomorrow. Yes. If somebody were asking my advice I would definitely recommend these doctors and all my defenses of hospital births are based on the way they do things and yeah. I am done convincing myself. Thank you for your audience. xoxo
2004-05-24, 4:48 p.m.
wheeee
I think the pregnancy mood swings have started... today I was at the grocery store buying produce and I got so overwhelmingly elated about all the beautiful fruit and vegetables that I just about cried. I was feeling so grateful that I can drive to the store and buy all this wonderful delicious healthy food that God made and blah blah blah. And then when I discovered that they're making Jello Pudding Pops again? Near nirvana, I think. I have seriously been wanting a pudding pop for, like, ten years. I hope the bad moods are not as bad as that good mood was good. If that makes any sense. Because yeah.
2004-05-24, 9:31 a.m.
Six weeks
I still just feel like my period is really, really late. Yo. Even though I still have symptoms and I'm following all these eating rules. (Please please please I need COFFEE and a SODA.) It's like everything I've ever given up for Lent all at once. Although I did have three sips of Jason's soda at the movies. And then I was wracked with guilt. Sigh. This baby must be extrememly carnivorous because man I have been wanting MEAT. Mostly barbecue but also steak and yeah. Okay. I have a couple of pictures to put up later. And I did a "Names" entry. Is this really happening?
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